Children by the numbers

I'm no mathematical genius (or have ever passed an algebra course for that matter), but I have figured out that you can't count your kids by how many dependants you can claim on your tax return. Sometimes, one kid just isn't one kid.


My first born, Ashton, is a sweet and sensitive boy. He is very loving. He loves dinosaurs and football. He is currently doing very well in his newest endeavor as a tennis player. Ashton loves any word that has to do with a bodily function and is trying very hard to teach his sister to say "fart" instead on my preferred word, "toot."


Next is Lorelei. She is independent, smart and sassy. She is also very loving. She loves babies, purses, and everything about her brother. She loves to walk around in her underpants and sing, "I shake my booty." Right now, she likes to tell us how much she loves us, "I love you to a moon a back."


But this is where things get sketchy. Lorelei is my second born, but she is not necessarily my second child. I think that my second "child" was officially born on June 16, 2005. His (her? it's?) given name is Diabetes, but we just call him (we'll go with 'him') Betes.


My idea is that sometimes, one child counts as more than one child. Ashton counts as two, because of that rascal Betes. We refer to him as a separate entity because at those times when things are out of control, we can blame the whole mess on something less abstract, something that we can visualize, like another person.


I know that Betes is a pain in the ass. And I know that Betes is a factor whenever we make decisions about Ashton. And I know that other people have to consider Betes because I am quite sure that there are times when Ashton is not included, because they have to include Betes too. And I don't blame them; I'm guilty of it too. I don't expect people to want to include Betes. It takes a lot to teach someone how to care for Ashton & Betes, and it's hard to ask for help, or even a babysitter. It's hard to teach someone to do something that at times is just intuitive guesswork. It's often easier to just expect people to not want to deal with it.


I have friends and family that have children with serious allergies, learning disabilities, autism, etc. Even kids that are just high-strung Energizer bunnies can count as two (or three! as some may attest). So my advise to those parents for times when they are frustrated and just can't seem to figure out how to take care of that one (special and unique) child: step back and don't be so hard on yourself. Your kid may be more than one kid.